Fragments of You

In every mirror, I search for the reflection of the person I used to be with you. Each laugh I hear reminds me of the one I’ve lost. The world keeps moving, but I’m trapped in our memories. In every dream, I find you, only to wake up to the reality that you’re gone.

I envy the strength you had to erase me from your life. I’m struggling to find solace in the fact that you’ve moved on & found happiness elsewhere, while I’m left here, haunted by the guilt of what could have been. There’s nothing weaker than a man who drowns in self-pity over an outcome caused solely by his own decisions. In my mind, I swore I was saving you by walking away—The truth is, I hate that I was right this time. Protective distance has always been my strong suit, yet you’ve redefined what it means to be unable to disconnect. For longer than I can remember, there was an odd comfort in numbness. Now, I desperately long for the feelings you’ve ingrained in me.

Fragments of you have been found in others, but no one ever truly fit. True love will never find me again, as I’m always desperately chasing that same feeling, pathetically hoping to relive what we had. This is the first time I’ve ever grasped the depths of what addicts must go through.. Always chasing the dragon—mine just happens to be your love.

At a certain point, moving on becomes unfair. How can you devote your entire world to someone else when you know you’re just subconsciously trying to recreate who you were with someone else in the past? I’d rather die alone than miserably ruin every beautiful soul who daringly believes they can heal me. Seeing someone give everything they have to someone that doesn’t deserve it is heartbreaking. The most fucked up part is, it’s exactly how I felt when I was being loved by you. 

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